Pursuit of Happiness
10th January 2010
Dear Diary,
Writing my first diary entry feels a little strange. I never thought I’d be the kind of person to keep a diary in the first place, but maybe this is a good thing. I have so many thoughts running though my head – it might be a good thing to get some of them off and on paper.
I have this huge Business Law assignment to write before Saturday. It makes up for almost 40% of my final mark. I should start working on it but every time I come close to reading my textbook, I get distracted. There’s a cricket match going on right now that dad’s watching.
India vs England.
I can hear him scream whenever we score a boundary and curse when one of our players’ gets out. I sneaked into the kitchen to grab a few pakoras that mom had made and saw the score. It seems like India has a good chance of winning. Sehwag and Sachin just need to keep their partnership going.
Anyway, I’m getting distracted.
Back to the B Law assignment. I have 5 more days left until the submission. I could finish reading the chapters by Wednesday and then on Thursday and Friday, I’ll completely focus on writing the assignment. If I don’t take any breaks in between except for lunch and dinner, I can definitely finish it by Friday afternoon.
That sounds like a good plan. See, maybe this whole keeping a diary thing is going to work out great. I can organize my thoughts and have a plan of action. I already feel way better about the assignment than I did before I started writing this.
This is the last assignment for this semester. I can’t wait for it to get over. Then FREEDOM! I think I’ll talk to mom about joining music classes – maybe learn to play a guitar? I’ve always thought I might be good at it. I have a good ear for music. I think with the right training, I could pick it up.
So, there you go – first stop, finish the law assignment and once that’s done, maybe I need to explore my musical side.
Okay, that’s it for today. You’ve been super helpful! Ciao!
25th March 2013
I found this notebook when I was clearing my cupboard. I can’t believe I forgot my resolve of keeping a diary. I almost laughed after reading that 1st entry. That was almost 2 years ago. I was worried about my Business Law assignment out of all things. I sound like such a kid.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this entry right now. I’m pretty sure that keeping a diary is not my thing. I don’t think I have the discipline or will power to commit to it. I guess I’m just writing because it still makes me feel slightly better. Like I have an action plan of sorts.
I have a job interview in 2 days. In an audit firm. I think it should be okay. It’s a small firm – only 90 employees or so. I know my stuff, so I think I can handle any question they throw at me. It’s the soft skills questions I’m worried about. I wasn’t part of any clubs or societies in college, nor did I take part in any extra-curricular activities. If they ask me for any examples of leading a team or being a team player, my group assignments are all that I can fall back on. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing?
I think I’ll probably google interview questions and practice. That sounds like a plan. I can write down examples so that I am better prepared for those questions. There you go! That wasn’t as hard as I thought. I just need to relax a little more. Being nervous before an interview is a good thing. It’s just nerves, no big deal.
By the way, I never got around to taking those guitar classes. I’m not sure why. Laziness, I guess. I still think I can make a good guitarist, but it might be too late for that now. I don’t know if I will have the time once this job works out. If this job works out.
Okay, no negative thoughts.
On another note, there’s a gym right next to the office. If I get this job, it would so convenient. I could go before or after work and get a good workout done. It’s something that’s been on my mind lately. Getting into better physical shape. Let’s see. First things first, I need to practice those interview questions.
Bye for now. I’ll see you when I see you.
28th October 2014
Hey there, it’s me again. It’s been a few years since the last time I wrote an entry but then again, I never made any promises. I never got around to joining a gym.
I also got that job I was so worried about. In fact, I’m thinking of leaving it. Why?
Because of a girl.
Shweta.
She’s in my team and well, I like her. A lot. We’ve been hanging around a lot over the last few months and I could tell that this wasn’t a one-sided thing. So, I asked her out and she said yes. It’s been going great so far. She’s pretty cool, and easy to talk to. No drama like I’ve had in some of my previous relationships. But here’s the thing – she wants to study a Master’s degree but she’s not applying to a single college in Mumbai. When I asked her, she said she wants to get into the best, since she’s working hard for it, and that the place doesn’t matter. Well, it matters to me. If she moves to a different city, then that means our relationship is pretty much over. Everyone knows long distance relationships never work out. I told her that, but she just stared at me for a few seconds with a curious expression and asked why I didn’t go along with her then.
So here I am, thinking of maybe moving cities. Except, I’m not sure if I want to. I’ve been in Mumbai my entire life. What if she gets into a college in some godforsaken village town? What am I supposed to do there? I definitely don’t want to study further. I guess I could find a job there. I have a degree and work experience. I guess we could work it out except…it’s a risk, you know? I mean, what if we break up? What if things don’t work out? Then I’m the idiot who uprooted my entire life for a girl.
Yeah, she’s a great girl but I want to be practical here. We’re 23. We have our whole lives and careers in front of us. It’s not like we’re ready to get married or something. We’ve just been dating for 8 months. Also, why should I be the one to sacrifice? I don’t see her thinking twice before going for what she wants.
As you can see, I have a lot of stuff to think about. Maybe I might actually look into studying further. It’s not a bad idea. If nothing else, at least I’ll come out of this with a Master’s degree.
Anyway, I’m going to go now. I need a smoke. This writing isn’t helping.
11th February 2015
Shweta left for Hyderabad today. She got into a really good school there.
I decided to stay back in Mumbai. Moving with her to Hyderabad was too big a risk and I have never been a risktaker. I guess 8 months is not enough time to decide if someone or something is worth that shot. She was fine with it when I told her. Maybe even a little relieved. I guess her fears were the same as mine – what if it didn’t work out?
I went to drop her off at the airport with her family. Before she left, she hugged me and cried. She said we could make this work if we wanted to. She promised she would text me everyday and that we could facetime over the weekends. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to lie. I just nodded and wished her all the best.
So, here I am having a drink on my balcony and scribbling a diary entry of all things. I hope the next time I have to write something, it’s slightly more cheerful.
Bye for now.
18th November 2017
It’s been a while since I wrote my last diary entry and a lot has happened since then. I’m still in Mumbai but I’ve moved jobs. I work for a bigger company now which means better hours and better pay. Shweta got engaged recently. The pictures were all over Facebook and Instagram. If we were on talking terms I would have congratulated her but we’re not, so that’s that.
Dilip and Naina are thinking of doing a trip to Europe. They’ve travelled around quite a bit over the last few years and are tying to convince me to go along for this one. Naina loves planning these holidays so she told she would take care of everything. I only need to book my flights and pay for the accommodation. She would handle all the organizing part. I haven’t really travelled much so it does sound exciting but travelling to Europe is expensive. Even though Naina looked for the most budget-friendly options for us, it still means creating a big hole is my savings account. I’ve been saving up to buy a car so I’m not sure if travelling right now is the best idea.
Whenever I tell Naina that, she just says ‘If not now, then when?’
When I have my car, that’s when.
Anyway, I still haven’t made up my mind. I’ve been looking at vlogs and pictures online and I’m not going to lie, it does look tempting.
We’ll see. I still have another month to make up my mind.
***
Ryan paused as he found the old diary in one of the drawers. He had been looking for it for a while but couldn’t find it. He smiled wistfully as he looked at the old, slight tattered book. He took his cup of tea and sat on one of the sofas with the book.
This should be interesting, he thought as he opened the booked and started reading.
As he came to the end of the 5th entry he had written in 2017, he felt a slight lump in his throat. He had ended up not going for that Europe trip and shortly after that, his friend Dilip had passed away in a car crash. It had been a freak accident. He had taken a wrong turn and had hit a vehicle headlong. He had only been 27.
It didn’t take Ryan long to realise what this heavy feeling was in his chest as he re-read his own thoughts over the years.
Regrets.
On a whim, Ryan took the pen from the nearby table and started scribbling.
3rd March 2019
Dear Diary,
It’s true what they say. In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take…
***
