All that glitters…

‘Wait! Don’t eat it yet!’

Nikhil, who had just been about to dig into his pizza, paused mid-way.

‘Why the hell not?’ he asked, looking confused.

‘Because I have to take a picture,’ Diya explained slowly as if speaking to a child.

She whipped out her phone from her bag and started positioning the pizzas and soft drinks in a more camera-friendly angle. Nikhil shook his head, looking slightly incredulous, ‘Diya, we’re at one of the shadiest diners in the area. The only reason we’re even in here is because it’s only 10 minutes from our place and we’re lazy. What are you trying to sell?’

Diya scoffed. ‘You’re underestimating the power of Instagram filters, my friend. I just need to get the right look.
Aaand…voila!’ she showed him the final take with a triumphant look, ‘Not so shady now, is it?’

Nikhil looked at the picture and smiled, inspite of himself. He had to admit that it looked way more appetizing than the real stuff in front of him.

‘Fine, you win. Can I eat now?’

‘Sure,’ Diya took her phone back, ‘Give me a minute while I post this ok?’

Once her pictures were captioned and hash tagged to her liking, Diya kept her phone aside to eat her own food.

They spoke about general everyday things; how Nikhil was thinking of taking up a course in graphic designing. It was something he had been interested in for a while now and there were online course options that he could take without affecting his current schedule. It could open up a few doors of opportunity for him and it would be a good addition to his resume.

Diya, in turn, spoke about how her sister’s wedding was driving the entire family crazy. Her sister, Sonya, and her fiancé were having a destination wedding and the costs were adding up to more than either of them had expected. Not to mention the tantrums Sonya threw if anything went even slightly out of order. There had been times when Diya had had to intervene, sit her sister down and give her a glass of water to calm herself.

‘She has honestly turned into a bridezilla,’ Diya said, ‘It’s driving mamma mad.’

‘Don’t worry about aunty. She has experience from our wedding. Things get stressful during this time. You weren’t so different from Sonya when we were getting married, you know.’ Nikhil chided, gently.

‘Was I, really?’ Diya laughed, ‘Maybe you’re right. It is a stressful time for everyone. Mamma’s so stressed that she hasn’t asked me about a baby in ages,’

The moment she let that last bit slip, Diya looked up at Nikhil, wide-eyed.

‘Hey, it’s ok,’ Nikhil said, placing his hand on hers, ‘We can still talk about this.’

Diya swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and nodded. Yes, they could still talk about it but it was a painful subject. They had been trying for a baby for a few years now.

During the initial few years of their marriage, she didn’t think of it at all. They were young; they had plenty of time to plan for children, if they wanted to have them. What was the hurry anyway? She liked the fact that it was just the two of them, without any additional responsibilities or commitments. They had travelled, experimented with their careers and enjoyed those early years of marriage. So it was easy to turn a deaf ear to well-intentioned family and relatives prodding her about when they planned on having kids.

But once they decided on starting a family and found out that it wasn’t so simple for them, those questions sounded more like taunts. Every time someone bought up the subject, no matter how innocent the intention, she was reminded of the fact that somehow this area of her life was incomplete. She wanted to have children but somehow couldn’t. That was the reality of it, and it was difficult to accept it herself, let alone talk about it with others. At one point, things had escalated to such an extent that Nikhil had put his foot down and told a member of his family who had broached the subject, in no uncertain terms, that it was none of their business. She had never seen him so angry and she realized that maybe this was affecting him as well, even though he never spoke about it.

‘I know. I’m sorry,’ she said softly, looking at their joined hands, ‘It’s just…sometimes I get angry. It’s so unfair. Why is this so difficult for us? I mean, people end up pregnant all the time, sometimes not even wanting to…and here, we want to, but…’ she choked up and looked away.

‘Hey,’ Nikhil said gently. When he had her attention, he squeezed her hand to comfort her.

‘I know it’s hard right now but things will work out. We just need to trust that and hang in there.’

***

Nicole laid back on the sofa with a sigh. She was so tired. It had been a full day of prepping up meals, driving kids to and from school, after school activities, cleaning up after the kids, schoolwork and dinner. She’d only just gotten them to bed.

She glanced at the grandfather clock in front of her. It was getting late and she had to be up at 6am again. The logical thing would have been to go to bed and catch up on some sleep.

So ofcourse, instead she picked up her phone and logged into Instagram.

                            Diya Richards – Date night with this cutie <3 #pizzanight #love

Nicole stared at the picture for a few moments before closing the app and keeping her phone aside. Date night. It almost seemed like an alien concept to her, at this point in her life. She tried racking her brain to think of a recent time when she and Rohit had been able to sit down, relax and just talk. Some instances did come to mind but they were almost always interrupted by the kids, some chore or their own exhaustion. The fact was that having three kids, all the under the age of 8, took up much of their time and energy.

Being a parent was indeed a full-time job.

Infact, after her youngest was born, she’d taken the decision to quit her job in finance so she could focus on the kids and their needs. It had been her own personal decision and she knew that Rohit had had mixed feelings about it when she’d told him; not only because it changed their financial situation but because he was worried how the change would affect her personally. She has always been a very career-centric person and had loved her job with a passion. He was worried about how she’d transition from that to a stay-at-home mum who had to cope with 3 very active and energetic children all by herself.

He was right to worry, ofcourse. Most days just went by in a blur. Her youngest two children had still not started school so when she was at home, she tried to keep them entertained while shuffling between household tasks. It was hard work with no performance appraisals to show for it.

She loved her family and she wouldn’t have it any other way but she was also human. She supposed she was allowed these moments – of standing in the sidelines and wistfully looking at her friends taking holidays to exotic places while she was cleaning nappies, of them achieving feats in their career while she watched Frozen at home.

Or in this case, she thought, of having the time to go on a date night while she was thinking of how many hours of sleep she could get before she had to be up again.

‘Mamma,’

Her middle child, Ryan, who was all of 3, climbed up on the sofa and crawled into her lap, placing his head on her chest.

‘How come you’re awake, Mister? Not feeling sleepy?’ she asked, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. He just hummed in response and they stayed like that for a while, in the silence, while she breathed in his familiar baby smell.

She felt an overwhelming feeling of tenderness wash over her, as she sensed his breathing even out and he fell asleep cuddled up with her, just like that.

Maybe she wasn’t achieving everything, but she was doing some things absolutely right.

She took her phone and took a selfie to capture this innocent moment – of a child seeking comfort in the arms of his mother to fall asleep.

***

Diya was scrolling through her newsfeed on Instagram when a recently uploaded picture caught her attention.

                             Nicole Stevens – My world #babyboy #loveofmylife #cuddles

It was a simple yet heartwarming picture of one of Nikhil’s friends hugging her son, while he slept peacefully in her arms.  

Diya felt an almost tangible sense of yearning.

Maybe someday, she thought, as she closed the app and kept her phone aside.

***